Thirty Days After US Election Putin Still Laughing Hysterically

Concern is mounting in the Russian Federation today as Vladimir Putin continues into his thirtieth day of hysterical laughter following the US presidential election. This has made it extremely difficult for the Russian leader to carry out even the simplest duties of his office such as meeting foreign dignitaries, reviewing budget documents, and narrowing down the list of future US presidents.

Sergei Mronov, his personal doctor, attributes the cause to Putin’s inordinate love of practical jokes.  “But no joke, not one, has ever worked out this well, in the history of anything ever.” added Dr. Mronov.  “We all love the pie in the face, saran wrap on the toilet seat, or the regime critic wearing big red clown feet while floating face down in the river. But trick the most powerful country in the world into elevating to the presidency someone whose grasp of simple logic is on par with your cat’s understanding of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle? That was just more than he could handle.”

Dr. Mronov added that the ease of which Crimea was annexed, Russia’s unopposed intervention in Syria, and Brexit have added to the convulsive malaise and he is now asking the United States and other nations to “give our distinguished president a break. Not every invasion needs to go unopposed.  Don’t let us decide every national referendum. And maybe go ahead and pick your own leader once in a while instead of having us do it for you.”

Obama White House spokesman Josh Earnest, responding to the pleadings of Dr. Mronov, was not sympathetic.  “President Putin has brought this upon himself. The United States will not be dictated to by Dr. Mronov or anyone else.  The Obama administration and our allies all over the free world will continue to ignore overt aggression, dismiss security breaches and generally just phone it in until President Putin realizes that the leading democracies of the world are not to be toyed with.”